Three Things That Will Save You This Month

You can't do everything. Here's how to figure out what actually matters.

Ah, May. Spirit week, chorus concerts, dress-up days, end-of-year banquets for preschoolers, which I have questions about. And please don’t forget the field trips, teacher appreciation, and graduations (again, for preschoolers). If you have kids at more than one age and stage, you’re not just managing one schedule. You’re dragging a toddler through a high school auditorium at 9 PM, wondering how much you’ll pay for this tomorrow.

May is December’s chaotic younger sibling. Hence: May-cember.

(Also, right in the middle of it sits Mother’s Day—our designated day of rest. Oh thank you so much! Please don’t get me started.)

I’m going to tell you how you can DO IT ALL, with a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

Ha!

Just kidding.

Here’s what I want to offer: a few anchors for staying grounded during this bonkers time of year.

#1: Get clear on your yeses and your nos.

You cannot be everywhere, and you cannot do everything.

Neither can your kids.

As the calendar starts to fill up, pause—really get still and quiet for a minute—and ask yourself: What actually matters most to my family right now? Not to the class mom or the group chat or your neighbor’s son’s girlfriend who’s graduating, but to you and your family.

And then trust that answer. Because the opinions will come. Are you really skipping the end-of-year party??

Others don’t see the full context of your family, and (this is big):
It’s not your job to explain it to them.

The measure of success here isn’t hitting every event you’ve been invited to. It’s whether your choices actually work for your real family, right now.

Every decision you make, even a small one, draws on your finite supply of mental energy. Making even small choices adds up quickly and can cause “decision fatigue,” leaving us mentally exhausted, irritable, and overwhelmed by little things. No thanks! You’re already doing enough holding all the things and generally keeping the lights on every day. Adding in a million more small decisions: what to bring to the party, where to find the costume, how to respond to the 5th group text that morning, and the wheels are going to come right off the wagon fast.

But, for example, If you’ve decided ahead of time that one event per weekend is what you’re going to participate in this season, then: decision made. You don’t even have to think about your answer when something else pops up, no matter how sparkly and fun the invite is.

Also key to remember here: Guilt and obligation are generally not great reasons to do something. Occasionally it’s unavoidable, I know, but when you show up somewhere out of dread or duty, that energy comes with you, and it’s draining.

(Plus, your kids feel it. You’re physically present, but emotionally somewhere else. Not what we want to be modeling.)

You’re allowed to disappoint people. You can skip the optional thing, even if everyone else is going.

Every no is a yes to something that truly matters.

#2: Advocate for your child.

Some kids light up at special events. They love the party vibe, the dressing up, being in the middle of it all.

More often, though, children find long events exhausting and overstimulating, crowds overwhelming, and hugs from relatives they barely know really uncomfortable. (I agree.)

You know your child better than anyone—you’re the actual expert here. Use that knowledge to support them and advocate for what they actually need.

Before the event:

Talk it through with them. Who will you see and spend time with there? When will you leave? (Make sure you stick to it.) Strategize giving them an out if they need one. What do they do if they need a break? Maybe you have a code word that means “I need to go outside,” and then you slip out together for a quick walk before rejoining. A little preparation goes a long way toward preventing a meltdown in the middle of the punch-and-cookies hour.

During the event:

Have healthy snacks and water in your bag or the car (the sugar crash after all that cake and soda: not pretty). If your child will struggle in a fancy outfit for two hours, bring a comfy change of clothes for them after the photos are taken. Keep a travel puzzle or card deck handy for something they can focus on in a quiet corner if needed.

(And if your extended family is doing the rounds of hello kisses, it’s completely okay—good, even—to let your child decide who they hug. Their body is theirs. See above: it’s ok to disappoint people. Support your child in saying no thanks and offering a high five instead.)

After the event:

Let them decompress. Big events require a lot of a child—socializing, regulating their behavior in public for hours. Build in plenty of buffer time before the next thing, and don’t be surprised if they fall apart a little once they’re home. Give them what they need: it might be running wild outside, it might be a soft blanket on the couch. You’ll know.

Going to bat for your child tells them that they’re more important to you than anything else. They’ll see you’re willing to advocate for them even if it’s uncomfortable, and that’s the foundation of real trust.

#3: Double down on small moments of connection.

Big, celebratory events are loud and full and often wonderful, but they’re not usually where kids feel most connected to us.

That connection happens in the little moments: the extra minute in the car before you walk into the event where you remind them you’re on their team, or asking them when you get home: What does your body need right now?

During a busy season, check in more often than you think you need to. Slow down, make eye contact, see what’s really going on with them. Give extra hugs and time on your lap. Even if it’s quick, those small moments work to keep your connection strong throughout the chaos.

And especially on the busiest days, plan extra time for the good night routine. Get your child super cozy, go over the day, talk about the highs and lows, share stories and wins. Read an extra book. Ask the questions and really listen to the answers.

A packed schedule means those small moments of real connection become even more important—they tell your child that they’re what matters most.

What’s keeping you sane this month? I want to know. Share here!

Kira

PS - With summer just around the corner, my Summer Mindfulness Bundle for Kids has all the resources you need to find pockets of calm and focus during the no-school months. It’s packed with summer-themed yoga and mindfulness videos, playlists, coloring pages and more. Right now it’s 50% off! ☀️

My new book The Joyful Child also has tons of ways to strengthen your connection with your child through quick, playful, mindful activities. The SOS chapter alone will help immensely during the May-cember craziness. Grab it right here!